tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2009-11-10:/I am a 30-something Chinese women, living in Beijing, curious about the world. I like reading books, traveling and enjoying nice things such as movies and music. I will write in my blog my thoughts about life and my secrets. Hope some readers will find it interesting.MokoFeed2009-11-10T16:47:32+01:00tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-28:/2006/01/28/happy_chinese_spring_festival~512701/travellersandy2006-01-28T05:47:00+01:002006-01-28T05:51:04+01:00 <p>Tonight is the eve of Chinese Lunar New Year 2006. Almost all businesses (including us) and governmetn offices are closed from the noontime.　The Spring Festival is the most important festival in China (and in some other Asian countires with a Chinese cultural influence and heritage such as Singapore and Malaysia). As a Chinese tradition, the Spring Festival is a time for family reunion (just like Chrismas for western world), and family members have lunch and dinner together, exchanging gifts. When I was a kid living in my hometown in a northeastern province of China, I got new clothes and candies and watched fireworks during Spring Festival. In recent years, Chinese Government has adopted a seven-day national holidays for Spring Holidays, which are actually three working days off and the remaining are made up of weenkends and working days to be made up by working at the following weenkends (hope you know what I mean <img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0">. People here use these seven days to go back their hometowns or making a tour to some desirable places such as Southeast Asia and Hainan Island where it is much warmer; of course, some other people think the northeastern part of China is a good choice for skiinng or otherwise enjoying the sonw and ice. </p> <p>I will be staying in Beijing in the holidays, going skiing, watching movies, eating out with friends, and reading some books-a lot of things to do. I will aslo take some photos to demonstrate how we celebrate the Spring Festival.</p> <p>Wish you guys a Happy New Year also!<a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/t/travellersandy/img/Myownerisanidiot(14).jpg" title="A Dog Angel for A Good Dog Year 2006"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/t/travellersandy/img/Myownerisanidiot(14)_small.jpg" border="0" alt="A Dog Angel for A Good Dog Year 2006"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/28/happy_chinese_spring_festival~512701/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-20:/2006/01/20/another_ordinary_friday~489043/travellersandy2006-01-20T13:35:16+01:002006-01-20T13:35:16+01:00 <p>Had a meeting from 9:00 am to 2:30 pm (no break at all), and just grabed some sandwich together with others at noon time. A little tired, but the brainstorm we did at the meeting was quite interesting and inspiring. Mr. X from this company just published a peotry anthology, and brought me one copy. Hard to imagine a businessman wrote poems. Unsurprisingly, after reading some of his poems, I think he is not a very talented poet, which is quite natural as it is not a time for poetry at all in China (maybe the same in the whole world). I mean, in my view, it is a virtually "poetless" time. But it is still very good to write pomes as a hobby and even better to have them published and given out to friends. I will text X to tell him that I like his poems, which is absolutely true. A long time ago back to high school, I used to also write poems myself-I would flush for the silly and childish tone if I read the things I wrote again. </p> <p>But MR is really a very talented writer, and I believe he has the potential to be one of the best contemporary writers in China. I searched google and came across a recent online video interview of him-he looked nice and a bit thinner than before. My admiration of him is even growing for he knows exactly what he wants in his life, and also has the talent and the strength to pursue his goals, which makes him quite distinguishing from others. And he is even a little younger than me. I have known him since 1992 (gosh, 13 or so years have passed without much trace). I used to think at least we could be close friends for quite a long time, but now realize that friendship is as fragile as love: if you cannot keep pace with your friends in terms of intelligence, achievement or even appearance, the friendship would gradually fade beyond your control, and one day you would find you have nothing to share with them. Just in the same way as the once-very-passionate love fades between lovers who do not stand at the same place any more. Yes, nothing lasts forever, which is not necessarily bad for we still have chance to embrace new love and new friendship (I've got to belive this).</p> <p>Recently, just finished reading Angel and Demon, Digital Fortress (both authored by Dan Brown), am reading Forest Gump, and will read Harry Potter (1 to 5) and One Hundred Years of Solitude (English edition this time-I read the Chinese edition many years ago, and think it is really a masterpiece written by an ingenious writer). Oh, almost forgot the half-finished Bleak House. And I have to work out at the gym two or three times every week. Seemingly I have lots of things to do in very limited spare time, but still successfully managed to "squeeze out" some time to miss someone: either I am too energetic or I am another genius!</p> <p>Almost caught up my work this week, which is good. Need to have new year greeting cards sent out to business contacts and friends asap. It seems that I am far behind the scheudle to send new year cards at this time, but it is for Chinese Spring Festival (January 29 this year) in case you do not know.</p> <p>So, it is a very ordinary Friday, isn't it? How is your Friday, buddys? I looked at blogs of others, and found many of them have very interesting jobs (for instance, directing show, acting, designing or photographing). Apparently, not much interesting stuff in my life. I even did not meet a "bitch" as depicted in a new post of Princess (BTW, Princess, she is really a bitch in my view).</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/20/another_ordinary_friday~489043/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-20:/2006/01/20/do_you_have_a_drink_called_love_a_dream_~489028/travellersandy2006-01-20T13:31:12+01:002006-01-20T13:33:17+01:00 <p>(This is a short story I wrote in 2002 or 2003. I think I almost perfectly described the feeling of love (in my view) in this story. This is the best one I have written so far. Unfortunately again, still not good enough.)</p> <p> 我老了,经常犯糊涂,记不清时间,也想不起自己有多少岁。我住在一座宅院里,就是门口挂着蓝底红字还雕着花的牌匾,写着什么“清心庄”的那家。你问我为什么叫“清心庄”？记不得了,记不得了。</p> <p>　　我好像没有名字,服伺我的丫头叫我老夫人,儿子叫我母亲大人,孙子叫我祖母。我的房间朝阳,挂着明黄的窗纱,太阳每天从窗的这边上来,又从那边下去,腿脚勤快得很。可我整天都没事,就歪在窗前的榻上晒太阳,晒着晒着就睡着了。睡着了就做梦。每回的梦都不一样,小时候荡过的秋千,好些年前逛庙会时看中的香囊,我养过的一条叫“笨笨”的狗,都曾出现在我的梦里,好像一伸手就可以摸到。</p> <p>　　所以我总盼着做梦。我不耐烦地把身边的人都打发走,就等着入梦。做梦多好啊,我感觉自己在梦里飘啊飘,和鲜艳的花一起飘,和清凉的雨一起飘,老骨头也不酸也不疼了,就跟成了仙似的。可有一天我从梦中哭醒了。我梦见了李白,还听见他叫我莲儿。<br> 　　我以为我早就忘了。<br> 　　<br> 　　（一）</p> <p>　　“莲儿,沏壶茶。”</p> <p>　　“莲儿,来壶好酒,要烫热的。”</p> <p>　　很多年以前,当朝的皇上还是玄宗的时候,在长安城的一条巷子里,有一家名叫“悦来”的小酒楼。开酒楼的是我爹爹。我是悦来的莲儿。</p> <p>　　悦来的生意虽比不得老字号回风楼,但也还过得去。当时可真是太平盛世啊,人们做什么事都慢慢悠悠的,操心的事儿少,闲的时间多,而一闲下来就喜欢找个酒楼喝酒吟诗,所以就连悦来这种开在巷子里的酒楼,都经常坐得满满的。</p> <p>　　店里忙的时候,我就出来帮着爹爹招呼客人。客人们都喜欢让我斟酒,他们说喜欢看我斟酒的动作,慢条斯理的,酒进入杯子的声音清脆、缓慢,如同一段段婉转的歌。而我喜欢静静地听客人闲聊,他们去过很多地方,知道很多有趣的事,而我从来都没有出过长安城。</p> <p>　　来喝酒的很多都是文人。他们喝多了就写诗,大声地读诗,有时候还会拍着桌子大笑或流泪。那是个诗的年代,文人的心思飘到哪里,哪里就入诗,他们为秋风写诗,为小桥写诗,为柳絮写诗,也为他们难得一见的飘香阁的红姐儿梅格写诗。</p> <p>　　可没有人为我,悦来酒楼的莲儿写诗。我知道原因。只有英雄美人才配得上诗。而我只是悦来酒楼平凡的莲儿。</p> <p>　　入夜客人散了,我喜欢坐在门口的桃树下看月亮。月亮有时候圆如铜镜,有时候弯似娥眉,温和的光华让我痴迷。在月亮下面,我最会胡思乱想。我想去看看秦岭的云,想去听听边关的雨,想跟随一位英雄,让他牵着我的手,走遍千山万水。我要深情地望着他,轻声地呼唤他的名字,让他的眼睛映见我的青春年华,这样他就永远也不会将我忘记。</p> <p>　　英雄,我的英雄,他会是什么样子呢？我一遍遍地勾画他的模样,但他却总是象月色中渐行渐远的身影,朦朦胧胧,看不真切。</p> <p>　　我在月华的笼罩下痴痴地想,傻傻地笑。在那一刻,如果有人见到我,一定会惊诧于我异常美丽的神情。<br> 　　<br> 　　（二）</p> <p>　　我是从到悦来喝酒的客人那里听说李白的。</p> <p>　　那阵子,李白初到长安,他的名字就成了整个长安城酒楼茶肆里的一道下酒菜。有人说他是百年罕见的才子,写的诗连皇上都称赞；有人说他是个十足的混蛋,到处骗吃骗喝,经常喝得烂醉如泥横卧街头；有人说他风流倜傥,宛如仙人下凡；有人说他疯疯癫癫,形状猥琐,不堪入目。</p> <p>　　连平常忙得团团转,很少停下来说闲话的爹爹都知道李白。有一天,他凑近一桌喝酒的读书人,压低了声音说：“众位客官,你们知道吗,那个李白昨天后半晌到回风楼喝酒,喝醉了还不给钱,被掌柜的孙大胡子打得皮开肉绽,可得半个月都不能――。瞎说？我可没瞎说,是孙大胡子亲口告诉我的。――莲儿,拿酒去,别偷听爷们说话。”我应了一声去柜台拿酒壶,可爹爹的话我都听到了。</p> <p>　　我回到房间里暗想,这个李白到底是个什么样的人？听人说他是个诗人。当年战乱未起,国事太平,连百姓都活得风雅,爱诗,也把诗人当回事。当然,孙大胡子那种只认银子不认亲娘的人除外。</p> <p>　　爱诗的不一定是诗人,譬如我。我经常躲在自己的房间里写一种叫做诗的文字。我的诗就是我的心事,而我的心事从没给人读过。我总是写完之后就把它们烧掉,看着它们化成淡淡的清烟。我伸手去捉那清烟,但它们从我指间溜走,一缕一缕消散无踪。我听到一种破碎的声音,也许因为被烟熏着了,不知不觉间就泪流满面。</p> <p>　　那天我从邻居赵二哥那里找来了传抄的李白诗集。从他的诗中,我看到了凄厉的闪电,看到了满天的花雨,看到了奔流的长河,看到了浩瀚的星空。穿过俗世,我来到了桃花源。<br> 　　我明白了李白不仅是个诗人,更是个豪情的才子和温柔的英雄。</p> <p>　　可是英雄居然被痴肥粗鲁的孙大胡子痛打了一顿。整个长安城的人都知道,孙大胡子对欠他钱的人从不留情,想来这个李白一定被打得很惨。我读着他的诗,再想着他被打的惨象,不由得摇着头笑了。<br> 　　<br> 　　（三）</p> <p>　　半个月后我第一次见到了李白。</p> <p>　　我记得那天店里人不多,一位单身的生客挑帘走了进来,我当时正在给一位书生斟酒,他小声告诉我说来人就是李白,姓李名白,字太白。</p> <p>　　我记得那天我没有来由地慌乱,心跳得很剧烈,倒的酒也溢出了杯子。</p> <p>　　我记得那天他着一袭月白色的长衫,长身玉立,神情落寞。</p> <p>　　我记得那天他一言不发地喝酒,一杯复一杯,却始终没有醉意。</p> <p>　　后来李白经常到悦来喝酒。爹爹说他以前常去回风楼的。他有时候一个人来,有时候跟很多人一起来,有时候带着个女人来。不知从哪次开始,他每回来都会说：“莲儿,来一壶好酒”。他的声音真好听。我倒酒的时候,手会发颤,心中犹如有小鹿乱撞。</p> <p>　　他在的时候,我经常躲在角落里偷偷地看他。如果我的目光会凝结,一定会一滴滴汇集,直到汇成一潭秋水,水波荡漾中只照见他的影子。我渐渐相信,无论和多少人在一起,无论在一起的是王侯卿相还是贩夫走卒,他都是人群里我第一眼就能看到的人。</p> <p>　　也不知从哪天起,我每天都盼着见到他。可每次他带着梅格那个女人来的时候,我的心情都很糟。梅格当年是我见过的最美丽的女人,有白得几近透明的肌肤,亮得象丝绸一样的黑发,还有来自青楼的入骨的妩媚风骚。她态度傲慢,旁若无人,可对李白说话时总是娇滴滴的。</p> <p>　　“太白,我的大诗人,来给我倒杯酒怎么样？”</p> <p>　　“太白,好几天没见着你了,你把奴家给忘了吧？”</p> <p>　　“太白,我的新裙子漂亮吗？我漂亮吗？嗯～,人家要你亲口告诉我嘛。”</p> <p>　　每当这时,我就觉得浑身冰冷。如果我的目光能燃烧,一定会烧成一炉烈火,火中铸出锋利无比的剑,带着寒光直冲梅格的心口飞过去。</p> <p>　　我转身回房,换上自己最美丽的衣裙,对着镜子露出无限悲伤的笑容。是的,尽管我正值二八华年,可我知道,我永远都只是平凡的莲儿。对我来说,英雄美人的故事永远都只是属于别人的传奇。如果可以,我愿意用我半生,不,哪怕是一生的寿命,来换取倾国倾城的容貌,好让李白注意到我,好让他象看梅格那样看着我、熔化我,好让他那写出不朽诗篇的手抚摸我羞红的脸颊,哪怕只有半个时辰,哪怕只有一瞬间。</p> <p>　　泪水从我眼中无声地滑落。我这是怎么了？我这是怎么了？<br> 　　<br> 　　（四）</p> <p>　　那天晚上下着大雨,爹爹出城访友不回来了。天气很冷,店里没有客人,我遣开伙计,一个人对着雨中的黑夜发呆。突然,门吱呀一声开了,一个人踉跄地撞了进来,带进来一丝雨的凉意。</p> <p>　　这个人居然是李白。他的青衫湿透了,散乱的头发滴着雨水,脸色苍白如纸,右手倒提着一个空酒壶,显然已经喝醉了。我呆呆地望着他,不知道该说什么。</p> <p>　　他摇摇晃晃地坐下来,他的好听的声音有些颤抖：“莲儿,来壶好酒。”</p> <p>　　我想跟他说,先生,你醉了,不能再喝了。</p> <p>　　可他抓住了我的手：“莲儿,听说有一种酒叫做爱情。你能给我一壶名叫爱情的酒吗？”<br> 　　我的小手被他的大手用力地握着,有些疼,有些热,有些麻。我羞红了脸,低下了头,又忍不住抬头看他。他眼中的光芒我到死也忘不了。这光芒中有深切的痛苦,有强烈的期待,有彻底的绝望,还有些我读不懂的东西。</p> <p>　　如果这光芒是为我照耀的,我愿意上天入地,上刀山下火海,哪怕粉身碎骨,死一千次一万次,然后堕入永不脱生的地狱,也要为他找到这种名叫爱情的酒。可是,他的目光越过我,越过窗帘,越过墙壁,越过无尽的黑夜,到了一个我不知道的所在。</p> <p>　　所以,尽管我心中暗流汹涌,却只轻轻地抽出了我的手,淡淡地说：“先生,你醉了,我给你沏壶茶吧”。</p> <p>　　可他又抓住了我的衣袖,两行泪从他的眼中坠落,他说：“莲儿,好姑娘,你别走,夜太黑了,我害怕。”他是真的醉了,善舞剑、杀过人、敢骂王爷的太白怎么会怕黑夜呢？可他的泪正滴在我的衣袖上。于是我坐在了他身旁。</p> <p>　　如果那个夜晚真的来临过,我希望它永不结束。在那个夜晚,外面是无边的风雨,桌上是明灭的纱灯,眼前是梦中的李白。他拉着我的衣袖,声音哽咽,脸上的泪象窗外的雨一样流淌。他的话断断续续的,语无伦次,可是我似乎都懂。他说他找不到他想要的爱情,他说他丢失了他的青春,他说他要不停地流浪,停下来的时候他就会死亡。</p> <p>　　他说,莲儿,我很冷,抱抱我吧。二十七岁的李白脸上是孩子的神情。</p> <p>　　我象被施了魔法一样走过去,紧紧地抱住了他,心中无比酸楚。当我流着泪仰头望他的时候,迎到他火热的唇。天旋地转,山崩海啸。</p> <p>　　那一吻的时间在我的生命中永远地丢失了。我最后见到的是他向门外狂奔而去的身影,隐约听见夹杂在雨声中的吟诵：“弃我去者昨日之日不可留,乱我心者今日之日多烦忧――”。</p> <p>　　后来听说那一天他拒绝娶梅格,被暴怒的梅格撵出了飘香阁,还听说梅格砸烂了她屋里所有的家具,披头散发地站在临街的窗前骂李白是个混蛋,引来很多看热闹的人。那一天一定还发生了什么事情,可没人知道,除了李白。</p> <p>　　诗人娶从良的名妓并不奇怪,何况梅格那么美,又那么爱李白,所以梅格一直以为李白会娶她,我也一直以为李白会娶她。</p> <p>　　我第一次觉得梅格是个可怜的人,李白是个可怜的人。我自己也是个可怜的人。我们谁又不是可怜的人呢？<br> 　　<br> 　　（五）</p> <p>　　从那以后我再也没有见过李白。</p> <p>　　听过很多关于他的传说。人们都说他进宫去了,受到皇上的宠爱,皇上经常和他秉烛夜谈,还给他亲自斟酒。还听说他给杨贵妃写了几首诗,称颂她无双的美貌。甚至有人说他和杨贵妃之间发生了一些故事,可故事的版本很不相同,有的说他爱上了她,趁着醉酒欲对她无礼,被她告诉了玄宗,结果被赶出了宫廷；还有的说是她先勾引了他。这样的传闻本来就是人们最爱编,也最爱听的,谁又管它真不真实呢。总之,他又离开了宫廷,远走他乡。没有人知道他身在何处,尽管他的诗在民间流传着,引来数不清的叹息。江湖缥缈,红尘万丈,要失去一个人的消息,原本是件最容易不过的事。</p> <p>　　我不知道李白和杨玉环之间到底发生了什么事情。可我知道,她的美貌将通过李白的诗流传万世,直到她变成白骨,直到宫殿倾颓,后世的人还会念着李白的诗,穿越漫长的时间想像她的绝世风华。可是,没有人知道长安城的巷子里曾经有个悦来酒楼,悦来酒楼里曾经有个莲儿姑娘,莲儿姑娘曾经在诗人李白的孤独里短暂停留。</p> <p>　　我仍然是悦来酒楼的莲儿,客人们都喜欢让我斟酒,他们说喜欢看我斟酒的动作,慢条斯理的,酒进入杯子的声音清脆、缓慢,如同一段段婉转的歌。他们听不出这歌已经变了调子。</p> <p>　　多少个寂静的夜里,我的眼前总是出现幻觉,我看见李白又坐在悦来的酒桌旁,他没有喝酒,只是看着我,他的表情象个孩子,使我想走过去,拨开挡在他眼前的头发,然后轻轻地拍他的背,就象小时候娘亲哄我睡觉时那样,对他说：雨已经停了,天已经亮了。</p> <p>　　他会记着我吗？他会记着悦来的莲儿吗？我问过天上的月亮,可月亮无言。我摇了摇头。其实我只不过是需要一个让他爱上我的机会,可是上天没有给我。我有那么多话,可是没有机会对他说；我有似水的柔情,却只能空自遗恨。他就这样走出了我的生命,留给我黯然的回忆和一个没有任何含义的吻。</p> <p>　　日子象水一样流走了。四季轮回,斗转星移,一切都变换着模样。我不再想像遇到一个英雄,因为这世上本没有英雄,只有你当一个人是英雄的时候,他才会是英雄。是你的心成就了一个英雄。可我已经没有那样一颗心了。<br> 　　<br> 　　（六）</p> <p>　　后来爹爹去世了,可悦来酒楼还在。没人再叫我莲儿,都叫我张家内掌柜的。我总是微笑着给客人倒酒,听客人说闲话,生意做得比回风楼都好。人人都说我是个善良又有福气的女人,我也渐渐地相信我是个善良又有福气的女人。</p> <p>　　飘香阁的秦妈妈老得走不动了,可飘香阁还在。飘香阁现在的妈妈姓梅,脾气坏得很,人胖得象冬瓜,可许多年以前,她曾经是位娇滴滴的美女,艳冠京城,名唤梅格。</p> <p>　　深宫里的贵妃娘娘杨玉环缢死马嵬坡,可深宫还在。没人知道深锁宫中的美女们怎样望眼欲穿,企盼皇上的一次临幸,即使得不到君王的一点爱情。</p> <p>　　听说,李白,他,也死了。都说他喝醉了,在江心的船上伸手捞月亮。月亮怎么能捞得到呢？可是他是个醉鬼,忘了月亮只在天上。他捞啊捞啊,越捞不着就越生气,于是想下水把月亮抱上来。不知道他最后想到了什么,看到了什么。没有人知道。</p> <p>　　传来李白死讯的那一天,其实他已经死了很久。到飘香阁送酒菜的小伙计慌慌张张地跑回来,一进门就嚷：“吓死我了,吓死我了！”我沉下脸来骂他：“怎么这么慌张？惊了客人找你算帐。”他喘了口气,放低了声音说：“您可不知道,我今儿去飘香阁,老远就听见那里鞭炮放得震天响,我纳闷,又不是什么节气,放什么鞭炮啊。等进了院儿,那里的老王告诉我说,有个什么写诗的李白死了,他们的梅妈妈因为李白当年甩了她,恨了他半辈子,非要放鞭炮热闹热闹。可鞭炮也放了,刚热闹起来,她又倒在地上哭开了,声音大得跟杀猪似的。最红的桂姐儿劝了她几句,也不知说错什么话了,被她拿鞭子打得背过气去了。飘香阁可乱了套了。对了,您知道李白怎么死的吗？捞月亮。真是邪了门了――。”</p> <p>　　我打发走了小伙计,呆呆地站在那里,心里酸酸地,却没有流泪。我年轻的时候很爱哭,上了年纪之后却没有眼泪。悲伤其实也是需要理由的,梅格有一万个理由为一个当年爱过的负心郎流泪,而我一个都没有。我很嫉妒梅格。</p> <p>　　我也想去捞月亮,可是终于没去。做奇怪的事情是需要勇气的,只有他这样的人才不会犹豫。只是,水里面冷吗？他到了彼岸吗？那一边也有天空,天空上也有月亮吗？</p> <p>　　在过了那么多年之后,我才明白：爱不过是一种心情,你爱过了,也就爱过了,你在这爱中爱了对方,也就是爱了自己。能不能天长地久,能不能两清相悦,能不能相濡以沫,能不能白头到老,能不能得到我们苦苦追求的这一切,都可以变得不重要。得到和失去都由不得你。你能主宰的只有爱或者不爱。只要你爱过了。是的,只要你爱过了――。</p> <p>　　可是,明白或者糊涂又有什么区别呢？什么都没有了。青春、美貌、权力、才华、生命,什么都没有了。只有月亮,照过所有人的欢乐与哀愁的月亮,还依旧悬在夜空,等着看人间的笑话,数人间的眼泪。<br> 　　<br> 　　<br> 　　我老了,经常犯糊涂,记不清时间,也想不起自己有多少岁。我的一生好像发生过很多事,又好像什么都没有发生过,只是做了一场大梦。年轻的时候,有很多活着的理由,所以不用去想为什么活着。等到到了我这个岁数,才发现活着只有一个理由,那就是还没有死。</p> <p>　　我的房间朝阳,挂着明黄的窗纱,太阳每天从窗的这边上来,又从那边下去,腿脚勤快得很。可我整天都没事,就歪在窗前的榻上晒太阳。阳光可真是暖和,象娘温柔的手,能让我很快入睡。我不想见人,最烦有人来打扰我。象我这样岁数的人,就算是明天早晨再也没睁来眼睛,也不会有人真的伤心。他们会流出一些装样子的眼泪,把我热热闹闹地葬了,过一阵子就完全忘了我,好像我从来都没有存在过。</p> <p>　　我最高兴的事就是做梦。我不耐烦地把身边的人都打发走,就等着入梦。做梦多好啊,我感觉自己在梦里飘啊飘,和鲜艳的花一起飘,和清凉的雨一起飘,老骨头也不酸也不疼了,就跟成了仙似的。可有一天我从梦中哭醒了。我听见有人让我给他一壶名叫爱情的酒。</p> <p>　　我曾经有过一壶名叫爱情的酒吗？我忘记了。</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/20/do_you_have_a_drink_called_love_a_dream_~489028/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-20:/2006/01/20/some_diaries_i_wrote_before~488996/travellersandy2006-01-20T13:20:29+01:002006-01-20T13:20:29+01:00 <p>These are some diaries (in Chinese) I wrote in 2003. Just post them here lest I lose them one day. BTW, my Chinese is much much better than my English. Unfortunately, most of you here cannot read them. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>31 December, 2003</p> <p>黑漆漆的2003，永不能忘<br> 一</p> <p>2003，记忆里的一滴泪<br> 热的，苦的，干涸，隐没<br> 没了踪影，在疲倦的脸上<br> 新的泪还会，在未来日子流淌<br> 而黑漆漆的2003，永不能忘　</p> <p>贫穷、战争、自杀、疾病<br> 随之而来的终结篇，别了<br> 消亡的躯壳，灵魂和梦想<br> 看吧，光辉岁月渐行渐远<br> 留下依稀背影，极度苍凉</p> <p>而我们，在不同的背景里<br> 继续行走，我们不停行走<br> 怕错过了什么，所以慌张<br> 所以追着跑着，跌跌撞撞<br> 所以没有时间，停下细想</p> <p>想又有什么用呢，我们说<br> 逃不脱的，是命运的魔掌<br> 有人撒落了，一地的繁华<br> 有人发愁着，明天的衣粮<br> 世事沧桑，归宿却都一样</p> <p>一些人的地狱，可能却是<br> 另一些人，求不得的天堂<br> 如果灵魂能够，穿越躯壳<br> 我就能，忧伤着你的忧伤<br> 再留一滴泪，在你的心房</p> <p>可是我不是你，不能是你<br> 正如你永不知，我的所想<br> 我们有，预先安排的角色<br> 就象一只手里，两个风筝<br> 同一个天空下，不同方向</p> <p>所以，拥抱一下吧，朋友<br> 借我也借你，一点点温暖<br> 有人发短信，说祝我安康<br> 而我只想沉默，在沉默中<br> 让我的泪，打湿你的衣裳</p> <p>所有我爱过的人，尽管你<br> 早已经离开，不知了去向<br> 或者忘记了，我当时模样<br> 感谢你曾经，陪在我身旁<br> 见证我的青春，曾经盛放</p> <p>所有爱过我的人，祝福你<br> 愿你的生命，充满了花香<br> 愿你幸福平安，远离失望<br> 在这条路上，你慢慢地走<br> 这一路风光，你好好欣赏</p> <p>所有我的家人，没有你们<br> 纵然这世上有，人山人海<br> 我都会是一只，孤单羔羊<br> 没什么可给你，也没有歌<br> 欠你们的太多，难以补偿</p> <p>二</p> <p>如果你说，一切都是虚无<br> 我也知道，昨日徒留感伤<br> 总有一个怀抱，是你渴望<br> 在沉沉黑夜，你拥抱着谁<br> 无数个梦里，无人能分享</p> <p>你说，你不要美好的前程<br> 也不相信，爱情能够永恒<br> 什么都是多余，再次沉默<br> 想起一句话，我喜欢的话<br> 说是，遇见你，我低下去</p> <p>低到尘埃里，于是尘埃里<br> 开出花来。这句话挺有名<br> 一个名人，一句聪明的话<br> 可惜明珠暗投，遇人不淑<br> 都过去了。还是说说你吧</p> <p>可是，还是没什么可说的<br> 祝福太俗，说了等于没说<br> 劝你少抽点烟，多睡点觉<br> 我又不是那根，水灵灵的<br> 那根，恰好是那根，大葱。</p> <p>于是我只能沉默<br> 沉默是，此刻的笙萧</p> <p>三</p> <p>而黑漆漆的2003，永不能忘　<br> 新的泪还会，在未来日子流淌</p> <p>27 September, 2003</p> <p>2003-9-27<br> 日记这东西 </p> <p>我从上小学开始记日记，一直记到大学毕业。<br> 但现在我手里一页日记也没有。都撕了烧了丢了或不管怎么样毁了。<br> 想来我有自我否定的习惯。一定有的。<br> 我的历史基本上是从一个学校奔下一个学校的过程，直到工作。<br> 我连工作还没有换过呢，这说明我是个懒人。<br> 处理掉日记是我投奔下一个学校前的最后一件事。<br> 那些曾经笑过痛过在乎过的事，经过了些时间后，就只觉得可笑。<br> 因此，我那时总是毁掉日记，就当什么都没有发生过。<br> 当然，现在我不这么想了，就象对好多其他事情，我的看法也变了一样。<br> 变化是很容易的事。我想起我小时候从来不吃白菜，上大学突然就喜欢吃了，连过渡都没有。扯远了，不说白菜，接着说日记。<br> 我没了日记，虽然没有忘记所有的事，但一切都变得无据可考，真假莫辨。<br> 我不记得我在什么时间说过什么做过什么跟什么人在一起。这让上了点年纪的我恼火。<br> 我开始怀旧。以前最烦听老妈唠叨。现在一有机会就鼓励她唠叨。<br> 她说她要写本自传，我就给她买了好几本名人传记。这说明我老了。<br> 我也想写点什么。关于过去。写给自己看。实在没什么好写的。我不但记不得往事，也不知道许多事情的答案。<br> 有谁爱过我吗？有谁喜欢过我吗？有谁怨恨过我吗？哪件事我做对了？哪件又做错了？我总是搞不清楚。永远也搞不清楚。<br> 因此我没法写一本爱憎分明的自传，没法煽情，没法自恋。写了也没有人看。那还写个什么劲儿？唉。<br> 可我承认日记是个好东西。尤其是别人的日记。<br> 我看《爱眉小扎》，看徐诗人在里面絮絮叨叨。看他哪天拔牙，哪天胃痛，哪天跟老婆吵架，哪天陪朋友逛八大胡同。<br> 徐诗人在诗外生动起来妩媚起来。这多亏了他没毁了日记。<br> 为此我敬陆小曼，她没把徐诗人的日记藏起来，比林徽因、凌叔华之流强。<br> 我看《湘行散记》，看沈老头还不老的时候，在颠簸不定的小船上，用铅笔给他亲爱的阿三画两岸的山水，告诉她水手上岸跟相好的睡觉。<br> 沈老头当年爱用妩媚这个词，用得乱而恰当，人长得也颇妩媚，还当过匪兵，不知杀没杀过人，反正看杀人是不眨眼的。多年之后，成了秃顶胖老头，满脸慈祥，一肚子委屈。这让我有点伤感。又扯远了。<br> 我忏悔。我还看过同学的日记，当然是偷看。颇有心得。<br> 我那同学，女性，当时年方19，精明能干，铁石心肠。<br> 原以为人间烟火跟她没啥关系。却原来也恋人，也失恋，为情所困，不能免俗。<br> 跟我也没啥区别嘛，我想。这让我觉得自己也不是那么不正常。<br> 我也不是那么不正常。我和你们一样，心太软，很受伤，爱偷窥，很失望。<br> 写吧写吧，我们都来写日记吧。记着今天是否雨大风狂，是否看见了星光。<br> 看吧看吧，你看我的我看你的日记吧，看一看这一路上遗落的青春和梦想。<br> 又跑题了。写什么诗啊。神经病。今天就到这里。</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/20/some_diaries_i_wrote_before~488996/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-18:/2006/01/18/a_bit_guilty_recently~483604/travellersandy2006-01-18T18:29:30+01:002006-01-18T18:31:24+01:00 <p>I am not a good bloger recently for I have neither read other people's blogs nor post new entries of my own for quite a while. I have been feeling quite restless and frustrated. I know it is not good to be trapped in low spirit, but am just unable to walk out of my blue mood. I stay in the office very late today, almost finished all the work at hand. I will have an important client meeting tomorrow afteroon, and hopefully will have some time to make a detailed proposal for the work in some new areas. So, perhaps everying will be getting back to the normal tomorrow.</p> <p>Just read this on internet: "It takes one minute to have a crush on someone, one hour to like someone, and one day to fell into love with someone, but a lifetime to forget someone." Is it so hard to forget the "someone"? There is one saying (or poetry?) in Chinese "问世间情为何物？直教人生死相许" ("Who can tell me what love really is? It is so strong that I would like to give my life for it",probably very rough translation). (Sigh) Do not know what I am talking about. Just forget, forget---.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/18/a_bit_guilty_recently~483604/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2006-01-08:/2006/01/08/some_things_more_my_new_year_resolutions~450726/travellersandy2006-01-08T07:53:45+01:002006-01-08T07:53:45+01:00 <p>1. to love---myself more; <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>2. to work more efficiently, creatively and pro-actively;</p> <p>3. to read more books to learn the wisdoms of life;</p> <p>4. to be more patient about my career development-I cannot expect to be successful "over night";</p> <p>5. to learn to forget those things and persons I have to forget and move on more quickly-I should still have chances to have more wonderful experiences in the future;</p> <p>6. to have more intercourses with my friends, and make more new friends-I tended to lose contact with some of my old friends in 2005, which is not good; and </p> <p>7. to be more confident and optimistic about life-there is no use to be pessimistic though we all know that the world is far from being perfect.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2006/01/08/some_things_more_my_new_year_resolutions~450726/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-31:/2005/12/31/welcome~430047/travellersandy2005-12-31T18:42:12+01:002005-12-31T18:42:12+01:00 <p>Last night, went to a hot spring club at the surburb with some colleagues to celebrate the new year. Very nice place. We bathed in hot spring pool,wearing swimsuit, male colleagues drinking beer. Played cards and mah-jong, song songs, cooked noodle in the kitchen (I only ate). The bed there was really very soft and comfortable, so I had a very good sleep. Went back to the city at around noon time today, did some shopping again, and went back home to write emails to friends until now.</p> <p>It is the early morning of 2006 now. I welcome the new year with open arms, and will go to bed now for another good sleep. When I get up under the sunshine of 2006, hope a happy 2006 is awaiting me and all of you, my friends!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/welcome~430047/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-26:/2005/12/26/happy_new_year~416697/travellersandy2005-12-26T10:55:45+01:002005-12-26T10:55:45+01:00 <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0">I am embracing the incoming 2006 with a mixed feeling: on the one hand, I think a fresh new year would offer a good opportunity to reorganize my thoughts and live my life with more wiser insights (I really hope so); on the other hand, I will unavoidably age one more year, which seems frightful to a women in her 30s.</p> <p>I did some shopping on the Christmas eve at Wangfujing Street. Many many Chinese people were celebrating Christmas, not really for welcoming the annual visit of Santa Claus to our planet, but for finding an excuse to spoil themsevlses from the very stressful life. I took some photos, which I will post later. You may find from the photos that it was really very crowded in the Wangfujing area. I bought a MNG sweater (on sale for a 50% discount) and a pair of earrings.</p> <p>These days, I am considering whether I should enroll a one-year LLM program in the UK or the United States. I do not really need another master degree for my work (I have obtained one in China), but I really would like to learn more about common law system and also the life style in western countries. And the different culture! But I am quite old now if compared with the new graduates, who directly study abroad upon their obtaining their bachelor degree. What is your thought about returning back to the campus for further study after working for several years?<br> <strong><br> Wish all of you a happy new year!</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/26/happy_new_year~416697/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-13:/2005/12/13/i_bought_some_books~382803/travellersandy2005-12-13T11:25:53+01:002005-12-13T11:25:53+01:00 <p>On the past weekend, I finished reading Da Vinci Code (an amazing book), went to cinema to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (very imaginative), dinnered with a friend, did facial at the beauty salon and sletp a lot, with my dog snoring beside me on the couch. Did not get enough time to go to the bar to continue my Salsa dance learning.</p> <p>Thanks to the "globalization", seemingly the popular entertainments available in this part of the world are not very different from those in other parts of the planet. The situation is probably almost the same in one country. I remember seeing internet cafes full of teenagers playing computer games and conducting online chatting in very remote rural areas in China. I guess people around the world can easily talk about the same popular movies or best-seller books such as Harry Potter and Da Vinci Code. Is it good or bad? Maybe half-half. What is your view?</p> <p>Yesterday, attended a conference at the office of a prominent accounting firm. They prepared a 90-page report, and made a presentation about their report. Accountants are really very good at handling figures! It is hard for me to remember them. A lot of work for this project can be expected. So, be prepared!</p> <p>Yesterday night, ordered some books through internet, and they were delivered half an hour ago. They include: Da Vinci Code (this is Chinese version; the one I finished is in English), Digital Fortress, Aggels & Demons, Da Vinci Dode Decoded (apparently, I am a Dan Brown fan), The Effective Executive (authored by Peter Drucker), and To Be the Best Yourself (做最好的自己）(authored by Kaifu Li, the Global Vice Pesident of Google). Do not know when I can finish reading them. I have lots of untouched books in my bookselves now.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/13/i_bought_some_books~382803/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-08:/2005/12/08/shall_we_dance~370511/travellersandy2005-12-08T15:17:51+01:002005-12-08T15:21:15+01:00 <p>Recently, I found a new form of entertainment to refresh myself from my very demanding and sometimes unbearably boring job--to dance at a Latin-style bar. To put it more accurately, it should be to "learn dancing".</p> <p>The bar where I have spend three Saturday nights is famous for the performance of its Cuban band and its offering of Salsa class free of charge-of course, they can make money by selling drinks and snacks to guests. The two Cuban girls teaching Salsa are very beautiful, having very sexy figure and attractive face, and dance very well.</p> <p>I went there with my girl friends-most of them are my former colleagues. We usually order a bottle of red wine and popcorn, and sit around a round table with candle lit, gossiping a lot girlish things: old friends, fashion,vacation, etc., etc. We of course also chatted about the worldwide well-comed topic among girls: being the creature from Mars-man.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Though I cannot dance well, I am very eager to learn Salsa. Unfortunately, most of my friends do not really like dancing. So, I always had to dance within a group of people I do not know, while my friends were still sitting there and continuing their gossips. But just as other people do not know me, I can dance in a very relaxed way, and do not care much about whether I am really a terrible dancer. I like the music played by the band. The singers sing songs in Spanish. Though I cannot comprehend the lyrics, the melody is very beautiful.</p> <p>I will go there again this weekend, and will let you guys know my progress in learning to dance Salsa. Hope I can finally know how to dance, maybe after a few years from now on. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/08/shall_we_dance~370511/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-08:/2005/12/08/how_is_the_whether_in_the_uk_in_february~369889/travellersandy2005-12-08T10:11:34+01:002005-12-08T14:21:58+01:00 <p>Hi buddies, I am planning a trip to London and Birmingham around the beginning of February 2006. Could you please give me some clue about the whether then? Is it a good time to visit your country? Thanks in advance. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/08/how_is_the_whether_in_the_uk_in_february~369889/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-05:/2005/12/05/how_can_i_live_my_life_to_the_fullest_ex~362242/travellersandy2005-12-05T15:00:36+01:002005-12-05T15:25:07+01:00 <p><strong>I do not have an answer, but I always have this question for myself. What are your thoughts, my dear blog buddies?</strong></p> <p>I saw the following in Moondancer's blog, and put it here. I hope Moondance would not mind:</p> <p>Dont Look Back<br> by moondancer @ 2005-12-05 - 07:53:05 </p> <p>As you travel through life there are always those times<br> When decisions just have to be made,<br> When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce,<br> And the rain seems to soak your parade. </p> <p>There are some situations where all you can do<br> Is simply let go and move on,<br> Gather your courage and choose a direction<br> That carries you toward a new dawn. </p> <p>So pack up your troubles and take a step forward -<br> The process of change can be tough,<br> But think about all the excitement ahead<br> If you can be stalwart enough! </p> <p>There might be adventures you never imagined<br> Just waiting around the next bend,<br> And wishes and dreams just about to come true<br> In ways you can't yet comprehend! </p> <p>Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new things<br> As you challenge your status quo,<br> And learn there are so many options in life,<br> And so many ways you can grow! </p> <p>Perhaps you'll go places you never expected<br> And see things that you've never seen,<br> Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds<br> And wonderful spots in between! </p> <p>Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring<br> And somebody special who's there<br> To help you stay centered and listen with interest<br> To stories and feelings you share. </p> <p>Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends<br> Are supportive of all that you do,<br> And believe that whatever decisions you make,<br> They'll be the right choices for you. </p> <p>So keep putting one foot in front of the other,<br> And taking your life day by day...<br> There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road -<br> Don't look back! You're not going that way!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/05/how_can_i_live_my_life_to_the_fullest_ex~362242/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-12-01:/2005/12/01/all_the_best_wishes_to_you_my_blog_frien~352259/travellersandy2005-12-01T15:22:17+01:002005-12-01T15:22:17+01:00 <p>Just came back from the gym. One-hour steping almost killed this old girl. Read comments from blog buddies, and very apprecaited your time and considerations for my issue. Also read blogs of you guys, and glad to share your happiness, confusions,and craziness (like in the case of lauren6). Blogging has really enlarged my vision about life. So, thank you, all of my blog friends! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/12/01/all_the_best_wishes_to_you_my_blog_frien~352259/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-11-20:/2005/11/20/more_things_about_me~323086/travellersandy2005-11-20T17:02:55+01:002005-11-20T17:05:15+01:00 <p>(The weekends were not very good as I felt weak for stuplid reasons. But I decided to get everything under perfect control from tomorrow, and never let myself even a little bit out of my mind. I list below some of my favourate movies and fictions, which I can still remember. I do not list those Chinese movies and works which I love a lot, as I will leave them to the next time.)</p> <p><strong>My Favourate Movies:</strong></p> <p>Cinema Paradiso; Gone with the Wind; Once Upon A Time In America; Legend of Autumn; Horseman on the Roof; God Father; When Harry Met Sally</p> <p><strong>My Favourate Fictions:</strong></p> <p>One Hundred Years of Solitude; Gone with the Wind; The Mayor of Casterbridge; Bleak House; Little Woman; The Little Prince; David Copperfield; The Angel's Rage; L’Amant; A Letter from an Unknown Woman </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/11/20/more_things_about_me~323086/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-11-17:/2005/11/17/tomorrow_is_another_day~314651/travellersandy2005-11-17T11:43:11+01:002005-11-17T11:43:11+01:00 <p>Though a little tired, still decide to go to gym tonight. Need to work out to lose some weight.</p> <p>Always believe everything will be new tomorrow, and another tomorrow. Sometimes it is good; sometimes make me find an excuse to be lazy. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Watched two episodes of Ally McBeal last night. The plots are funny but a bit ridiculous.</p> <p>Want to depict some of my friends and discuss about books and films I like in my blogs. Probably will start doing so from next Monday. Hope I can follow my plan. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/11/17/tomorrow_is_another_day~314651/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-11-16:/2005/11/16/what_are_your_answers_to_these_questions~311656/travellersandy2005-11-16T10:40:42+01:002005-11-16T10:45:03+01:00 <p>(I do not plan to write so many blogs in one day. But as today is my birthday and also the first day I launch my blog, I decide to indulge myself once. Dear readers (if any), I hope you may share your views on the following questions with me.)</p> <p>1. Is everyone lonely and fragile deeply?</p> <p>2. Is it stupid and shameful for a woman to tell a man first that she likes or loves him?</p> <p>3. How much can we do to make ourselves closer to perfection?</p> <p>4. Is it possible to have a close friend to whom you can open your heart?</p> <p>5. When you are to make an important decision, whom you usually consult with?</p> <p>6. Suppose you know that you will die in a month, what will be the last things you want to do?</p> <p>7. Can men and women be purely good friends?</p> <p>8. Can pure sex lead to real affection?</p> <p>9. Are you satisfied with youself?</p> <p>10. Do you believe in true love?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/11/16/what_are_your_answers_to_these_questions~311656/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:travellersandy.blog.co.uk,2005-11-16:/2005/11/16/10_big_things_i_believe_or_try_to_believ~311633/travellersandy2005-11-16T10:24:22+01:002005-11-16T10:46:00+01:00 <p>1. Let life be beautiful like summer flowers and death like autumn leaves.-Tagore</p> <p>2. If I cannot live without some things or people, then I have to accept and love them. For instance, I have no choice but to love myself and my job.</p> <p>3. Before I have a better choice, believe that the things I currently own are the best for me, and cherish them.</p> <p>4. Be nice, kind and helpful to others as much as possible when I am not hurt anyway.</p> <p>5. Keep smiling.</p> <p>6. Do not care about age as I cannot stop the pace of time.</p> <p>7. Enjoy every day.</p> <p>8. If I really want to do sth. good, do it right away!</p> <p>9. Always be prepared to learn new things.</p> <p>10. There is only one thing which is true for sure: everyone will die in the end.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://travellersandy.blog.co.uk/2005/11/16/10_big_things_i_believe_or_try_to_believ~311633/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>